Understanding your kid’s video games “addiction”

There are words in our vocabulary that some people love to use a little too much when it comes to things they do not understand or simply do not like.

For example, one of those terms is “brainwashing”. People nowadays use that term whenever it comes to someone “manipulating” other people. The term is used for something as trivial as McDonald’s promoting a product of theirs. The term is also used when talking about television and the things shared on TV.

Another example would be the word “addiction”, that is nowadays used by pretty much everyone to describe those who do something for extended periods of time. While a long time ago “addicted” meant someone with a serious problem, someone who couldn’t stop themselves from drinking or smoking, nowadays “addiction” is used to describe people who use their phones a little too much, who watch too much TV, who spend too much time in front of a computer, and so on.

I’ve been called “addicted” many times in the past, sometimes by my parents, sometimes by my teachers, sometimes by other relatives. The main reason I was considered “addicted” was because I loved to play games on my computer, and I was spending most of my time doing that.

What I considered to be really strange was the fact that spending 8 hours in front of my computer playing games was considered a lot worse than spending 8 hours in front of the TV watching cartoons. For some reason games were a lot worse than watching TV.

And while I didn’t understand why back then, I understand now. Not everyone plays games. Not everyone wants to play games, and not everyone can play games. I’m sure that if I want to teach my grandmother to play video games, she probably won’t be able to do it. However, she can stare at the TV for hours and hours, because it’s easy and she understands what’s going on. Same with my parents.

We’re quick to judge everything we don’t like, or understand. We’re quick to blame video games for making us evil, for causing diseases and even death, while ignoring something like car accidents that happen on a daily basis.

Why do people ignore such a huge problem, and still let others buy cars that they don’t need?

It’s because most people like cars, and few people like games. Therefore, cars are “important”, even when it comes to those who never use cars out of need, but out of a desire to constantly move from one place to another, like young people who like to go on trips all the time, or to go to a shop that’s less than a mile away because walking is too hard.

One thing I started seeing more and more on the Internet are parents who ask others about what they could do with their kids, and how they can solve their kid’s “addiction” to video games. Some of them try to talk to them, others try to just take their kid’s computer or console away with force.

However, very few of those parents actually try to ask themselves or others “Why does my kid play so many games, and why doesn’t he or she do something different?”

You see, games offer a few things that the real world doesn’t. First, it allows you to be whoever you want and do whatever you want without consequences and without being criticized by everyone around. Second, it rewards players as often as possible for trivial tasks. Third, it doesn’t judge the player and it doesn’t make the player feel bad for not being good enough, or for not doing something in a certain way.

A lot of parents look at their kid and how much he or she plays games without actually considering why the kid may be doing that. They look at the “problem” with their “adult eyes” and “adult principles” but they never ask themselves why the kid may be doing that particular activity for so long. They never ask themselves what may be in the kid’s mind. They simply assume they know better because they’re parents.

As a kid, and this may surprise a lot of people, I wasn’t playing games because I was addicted. I was playing games because I didn’t enjoy anything else. I was willing to spend an equal amount of time in front of the TV than to do anything else, because anything else bored me.

Going to school was boring. I deeply hated my class mates who also didn’t like me at all. That hatred often led to me being bullied. I hated my teachers. I didn’t have fun playing with the kids near me, and when I did enjoy it, the fun was quickly ruined by someone criticizing me. And the examples can keep going.

Video games didn’t make me anti social. People made me anti social. Their behavior towards me made me want to play games for 8 to 12 hours a day.

It was, of course, my fault as well. I was a sensible kid who was easily hurt. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that a lot of those who were around me and interacted with me were total a-holes who enjoyed making fun of everyone else and who loved shaming others.

Most of the activities that you can do outside your house are usually focused on interacting with other people. I didn’t really have a lot of people that I could interact with. Those who tolerated my presence still criticized me whenever I wasn’t doing something they considered “cool”, and those who didn’t tolerate me… well, didn’t tolerate me.

My “addiction” wasn’t caused by games having a bad influence on me. My “addiction” was caused by being treated in a bad way by those who I was supposed to spend time with. And being restricted from going far away from the house meant I couldn’t meet a bunch of new people, so that’s that.

But a lot of parents don’t think about that. They don’t think that their kid may simply not enjoy the company of others. As far as I can tell, human interactions are a lot better than video games in a lot of situations. I know that because when I grew older, I had the pleasure to meet a lot of interesting people, especially online. Talking to them was often more interesting than playing something.

Thing is, when your kid doesn’t find an interesting person to spend time with, and when nothing else seems interesting enough, what else is there to do? Do you think a kid who has too much energy will be able to sit down and read a good book? Do you think a kid who only wants to play and have fun will care about having a “safe future”? Do you think your 10 years old kid should act like a responsible adult and think about his or her education?

Kids want to play. If they can do it with other people, they will do it. If they can’t, or if they have more fun playing games, then they will play games. It’s not an addiction, is common sense — they are doing what helps them have the most fun.

There are, of course, limits. If your kids spends 20 hours a day playing, doesn’t eat, doesn’t drink anything, barely goes to the bathroom and yells at you when you tell them to stop playing, then that’s a problem that you should think about solving by consulting a specialist and not asking questions online.

But the simple fact that a kid plays games on a computer, even for an extended period of time, doesn’t mean he or she is addicted. It may simply mean that there’s nothing else as interesting around him or her.

If you want your kid to stop playing games, maybe you should find something better for him or her to do. If you can’t, or don’t want to, then why are you willing to take away from him or her the only thing that helps them have fun? What are you gonna replace computers and games with?

Besides all that, using your “force” and “authority” to stop them from playing, by taking away their consoles and computers, won’t do anything. It will make them hate you. It will make them sure of the fact that you don’t “get them”. It will give them the impression that you’re against them. After all, you’re taking away the thing they have fun with.

Then you’re gonna get shocked that after 6 or 10 years your kid suddenly starts doing things you don’t agree with, behind your back, without telling you out of fear that you’ll take away those things just like you did with their computers years ago.

I’m not a parent. I don’t have to deal with a kid being “addicted” to games.

But I was a kid who was misunderstood, who was called “addicted” for no reason, who was considered anti social and who was blamed for playing games. It’s ironic how no one understood that all that blame wasn’t doing anything but make me hate other people even more.

So, if you want to understand your kid, and to figure out how to stop his or her “addiction”, then maybe it’s time to think that you may be doing something wrong, that the environment you live in may be unfit for your kid’s personality, or that maybe there isn’t anything else fun enough for your kid to do except playing games.

We’re not born “addicted” to games. I know I wasn’t at least. But I stopped caring about those around me for several reasons, and video games were only something that helped me replace all that socialization that I didn’t have because others were mean to me. Maybe there’s a similar reason behind your kid’s actions. Try to understand before judging, especially when it comes to your own kid.