I sometimes miss my job

I have a seasonal job in Germany that I go to during the summer. I work in a restaurant, in the kitchen. I wouldn’t be able to describe exactly what I do, because my official title is just “kitchen helper”, so I do pretty much everything that is needed, from preparing ingredients, to cutting vegetables and even preparing food sometimes.

I work at that place for 7 months a year, during which I don’t really do much outside of my job. I just wake up in the morning, go to work, take a break at midday, go to work again until around 10 at night and that’s pretty much it. I don’t have time for much else. And while that’s fine in the beginning, for a few months, at the end of the season it gets really annoying not being able to do anything you like and want.

That’s why I spend at least half of my time there wishing for the work to end and desperately wanting to go back home, so I can take a break and not do anything for a while. And yet, when I do finally get home, and I spend a few weeks watching movies, playing video games and just wasting my time, I begin to miss work. That shouldn’t happen.

I’ve been trying to think about why that is. Sure, I don’t hate my job, but I don’t love it so much as to want to be there at all times. I also don’t dislike being at home and doing the things that I do. Plus, when I am at home I can work on what I actually really like, trying to make income online and to create art. What then, is the problem?

I think it goes back to my high school years. At that time I was so obsessed with making money on the internet that I spent a big part of my time trying to be as productive as possible. I had days when I did nothing from dusk till dawn except working, trying to achieve things and to accomplish my goals.

That period in my life made me focus so much on productivity and progress that if I don’t have any of those going on at all times, I start to feel miserable. This means that my hard earned break from work is actually quite stressful, because I spend a big part of it feeling like crap for wasting my time and not working on anything.

In comparison, while I’m at work, all my productivity and progress thoughts are focused on that — work. Therefore, during my free day, or once we stop serving people and we go home, I can just relax and think about nothing else, because I just spent my entire day, or even week, being productive and putting effort in my work.

This is quite surprising considering just how many people nowadays embrace the idea that 9 to 5 jobs absolutely suck and are nothing but a waste of time. Sure, some are, but there are also moments in which a normal job can be quite good for you, not only financially, but also mentally. You can properly separate your personal and work life, and you can enjoy both, without worrying that you’re not doing enough on either area.

So, what is the conclusion here? There isn’t one, to be honest. This is mostly something I noticed about myself. But if I would try to think of a conclusion, I’d have to go back to my high school days again and remember just how much I hated the idea of getting a job, having a boss, and not being able to make money doing only what I loved.

At the time, the idea seemed horrifying to me. But if there’s anything that I learned while growing up is that not only do I know very little about the world, but also about myself. Having a 9 to 5 job can be a good thing, if the right conditions apply. It might help you avoid thinking about work while you’re at home by providing you with the right environment to do everything you want at the job.

The conclusion is this: life is not gonna go exactly as you expect it, and what you think you know today about yourself might not apply in a few years. Be flexible, and allow some experimentation in your life. One day you’ll realized that you can begin to love what you once hated.