Do not ignore the painful past

I sometimes sit at night, in bed, thinking of my past self, waiting to fall asleep.

It is, at times, a painful experience. I do not like my past self. I used to be a selfish bastard. I used to manipulate people into doing or saying the things I wanted done or said. I was ignorant and believed myself to be above others. I thought myself smart when I was actually a beacon of stupidity.

I knew computers and, in my mind, that made me better than others. I used to read a few books and that made me smarter than others. I used to figure out things about people and that made me better than them. And my character sometimes showed those convictions.

I do not like my past self. He was an ignorant bastard who thought himself too good for others. And so he behaved the wrong way with people that cared. And soon those people left and found others to befriend, others better than the ignorant bastard.

Reflecting on that period helps me rectify my former mistakes. It allows me to see where I made a mistake and to try to avoid it at all cost. It allows me to realize truths that I ignored back then so that I could avoid the responsibility of growing up. Now I look forward to growing up. I look forward to always improving and being better than the day before.

All this improvement is possible because I do not neglect the painful past. I do not accept it and leave it be. I look at it, into it and I seek the parts that give me pain, so that I can correct them and become a better person.

It is only natural to try and forget those parts of your life that you are not proud of, especially those that are painful. But they might be the key you need so that you can find the things you have to change about yourself to be better.

A painful past cannot be changed, but it can be looked into, accepted as a fixed event in time, and used as a tool to improve your current and future character.

Do not ignore the painful past.